Travel of the Mind

The cold wind blows, and the silky skies are covered by the storm clouds of the night. I don’t know whether I am high or not, but the lightning is shining purple, and the stars are falling and spinning. What is happening? Is it only me or is it everyone and everything? Was this the fate he was talking about?

The metal of the roof is cold under my fingertips and the skies are crashing. The multiverse is crashing together into one. The madness of the multiverse has escalated, and glass is shattering all around me. High pitch noises are blasting so loud as if there is no tomorrow. As if the world was ending. As it was ending. As if it had finally had enough of mankind and their balderdash. As it had finally had enough of everyone treating it as if it was lower than them. As if she wasn’t the one who created them. As if everything just popped up and decided to exist. As if life was nothing but immortal itself. As if immortality was mortality. As if bitter was sweet. As if death was life. As if.

Then I slowly start slipping. I don’t even stop myself from slipping. The end is near, at least I hope it is. I feel like I am floating. The wind is harshly tugging my hair as if to guide me. As if to show me Plan B. As if it had a soul attempting to save us. Slowly I slip through rows and holes and squares and triangles of tunnels filled with void and purple light illuminating the shine of the lightning. I feel my consciousness slipping away. I feel the light of my eyes slipping away.

I wake up. My eyes burst open as if I wasn’t myself. As if I was possessed by him. Who is he? I don’t even know myself. I should, I know I should. But I won’t. I don’t know if I want to. I feel surreal. Am I floating? The void here isn’t black. It isn’t blue either, it’s white. Blinding white. Spotless. Untouched. Where was I? Was I in the multiverse? Was I floating between the different universes? Was I the cursed? Was I the blessed? My body felt weak. I felt weak. Was I even alive?

Then I heard a young voice release sound of disapproval. Whining. Crying. Screaming and kicking. Then older voices started yelling over the young voice as if it would help. Would it though? I don’t believe so. My childhood wasn’t a dream. It was quite bad if I am being honest. Constant denial of my feelings and abuse were the normal. This all reminded me of my childhood. Of my dearest non-existent childhood that seemed to hate me more than I hated myself. The cries became louder. The screaming became louder. My mind was screaming for it to stop. I was screaming. I was crying. I wasn’t conscious. I was paralyzed to a spot in a white void of nothing and floating as if the moon in a sky. Was it trying to make me feel its pain? Was it begging me for help? Did it hate me as much as I did myself? Did it want me to be there where I was supposed to be? Did it want to help me achieve my dark thoughts? Did it want to help me erase myself from here?

Then the cries disappeared. My tears disappeared. Everything disappeared. Laughter echoed through the void. Light, joy filled laughter. Genuine happiness. Genuine emotions. It was ringing and echoing. I wasn’t laughing. Someone else was laughing at me. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes everywhere. All the eyes observing me. All the eyes laughing at my weak state. I don’t know how long this lasted. I wish it was all over. I slowly let my eyes close and take me to the lands of hopes and dreams. My favorite nation. Imagination. My only friend.

Darkness surrounds my body. Darkness. Darkness. Nothing more than darkness; nothing less. Why? Why me? Why was it always me? Why was it never her? Why never him? Why me? Was there something wrong with me? Darkness evolved around me, and my body felt as if it was air. I was floating. I was floating. I was air. I was lighter than air. Slowly, I started slipping out of consciousness. I didn’t want to leave this place . It accepted me as I was. It was everything I had ever wanted, honestly. The dark was my biggest fear, now it gave me comfort. I wish I had always been like this. I wish I was just like darkness and knew how to accept myself. Tears are forming in my crystal eyes once again. Life is slowly fading with my consciousness and so is the memory of my past life. I was a conscious of life. Nothing more, nothing less. The light slowly disappeared of my sight and my eyelids fall closed.

I wake up to a breath near my ear whispering inaudible sounds into my ear. The voice isn’t particularly annoying or weird…it’s just soothing, but the noises are slowly getting on my nerves. The incognito voice mutters and complains for hours of pure nonsense. It managed to make one clear sentence. That sentence hit hard enough for me not to want to recall it again. It changed its tone while saying it. It made its voice sound like her voice.

The inaudible noises are like small saws slowly piece per piece cutting my nerves and my patience, as if it was a saw sawing a log. Slowly my consciousness is fading again, but this time I force my eyes to keep open and not give up. There is no one here except me. Me, myself, and I. No one. My energy is draining away as I force my eyes to keep open, but the force is winning. I don’t want it to win. I want to feel at least once, what it feels like to feel powerful. To feel glory. Glory, power. Everything everyone else wanted. Everyone except me.

My eyes open slowly. I try moving my fingertip. I slowly raise it. To my surprise it rises, it moved. I move it to the left. It moves. I moved my whole hand. It moves. I can move. Freedom. Now that I may be more focused on my surroundings, I realize that I am in a room. A soapy smell covers the smell of iron and dust. It’s just like cheap perfume attempting to cover the smell of an alcoholic foul woman. Disgusting. The room seems to have a white roof, well that’s what I see. And looking down it has a white floor, and I am on a white bed. Is this the hospital? It might explain the footsteps approaching. But I don’t care about anything right now. I only care about the soothing voice. The only sentence said. So, I recall the words whispered.

“Dear darling, my end has come near and so has my journey. But darling please don’t end your journey yet, continue it until it ends. Continue it even though they don’t want you to. Follow the yellow brick road just like you always wanted to.”